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| chuck norris jokes and sayings [Destined to be the Internet's Biggest
Little Collection of Chuck Norris Jokes, Facts, Quotes, ~ about Chuck Norris ~
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2. Some kids pee their name in snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in concrete. 3. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. 4. If tapped for energy, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 1 hour and 12 minutes. 5. Chuck Norris can speak braille. 6. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 7. Chuck Norris' calendar goes directly from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris. 8. If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google, Google doesn't show the common phrase, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" Instead, Google simply shows, "Run while you still have a chance." 9. Superman has a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. 10. Once a rattlesnake made the mistake of biting Chuck Norris' leg. After seven days of excruciating pain, the rattlesnake died. 11. Chuck Norris was originally cast for the lead character in the popular TV series "24", but the director had to replace him after he successfully killed every terrorist and saved the world in 6 minutes and 23 seconds. 12. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until they give him the information he wants. 13. Before the Boogeyman gets in bed and goes to sleep at night, first he checks his closet
to see if Chuck Norris is hiding in it. 15. There is no theory of evolution. There is just a list of creatures
that Chuck
Norris has allowed to live. 18. There isn't a chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist. 19. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was a bit chilled, so he turned up the sun. 20. Chuck Norris's hand beats a Royal Flush. 21. Chuck Norris is why Waldo is hiding. 22. Chuck Norris is the reason Mona Lisa has that smile. 23. Chuck Norris counted to infinity... three times. 24. Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear a watch. HE decides what the time is. 25. If Chuck Norris dials long distance numbers, he doesn't get charged. In fact, if he needs money, he just holds up the phone and money falls out. 26. When Chuck Norris eats at KFC, he orders a whole roasted chicken... but
he only eats its soul. 28. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can sprint around the world and kick himself in the back of his head. 29. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND he can make it drink. 30. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. 31. Chuck Norris's house has no doors. It only walls that he walks through. 32. Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies even closer... close enough to drop them with one swift round house kick to the face. 33. Chuck Norris can weld titanium with his breath. 34. Wilt Chamberlain says he slept with more than 10,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." 35. When you take the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will get a perfect score. *continue update here* 36. The age old saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" is generally true, unless Chuck Norris has been on the other side of the fence. In that event, the grass is will be red from blood and soaked with tears. 37. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but the image of Chuck Norris is worth one trillion words. 38. Chuck Norris can't shave his whiskers; he must kick himself in the face, for the only thing able to cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. 39. When Chuck Norris makes coffee in the morning, he grinds the beans with his teeth and boils the water with his rage. 40. Chuck Norris ordered a Whopper at McDonalds. He got it. 41. When Chuck Norris donates blood, he declines the syringe. He simply asks for a hand gun and a bucket. 42. Chuck Norris can drink a whole gallon of milk in nine seconds. 43. The Bermuda Triangle was actually once known as the Bermuda Square, but Chuck Norris was a TV remote that he had misplaced, got mad, and roundhouse-kicked off one of the corners. 44. The TV show Survivor originally was supposed to be about marooning people on an secluded island with Chuck Norris. But when they attempted to shoot the pilot episode, there were no survivors, and the producers are afraid to go to the island to try retrieving the footage. 45. Chuck Norris doesn't have to bowl a strike. He simply knocks down one pin and the other nine pins faint. 46. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. 47. Chuck Norris watches 60 Minutes in 14 minutes. 48. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver. He won. 49. Chuck Norris is credited for inventing the Caesarean section method of childhood when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb. 50. Many thousands of years ago, Chuck Norris came across a bear. When the bear saw Chuck Norris, the bear became so terrified that it's hair turned white, and it fled north into the arctic. Today, all of this bear's descendants have white hair and are called Polar bears. 51. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. 52. Chuck Norris once swallowed a complete bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. 53. Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population problem. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 500 kilometers became pregnant instantly. 54. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. 55. Tom Clancy pays royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the title of Chuck Norris' autobiography. 56. Chuck Norris does not have an oven, a stove, a microwave, or even a fireplace in his home... because revenge is a dish best served cold. 57. Chuck Norris invented a better mousetrap, but the world was too afraid to beat a path to his door. 58. Chuck Norris is suing myspace because that is the name for what he calls everything that is around you. 59. During World War II, the army initially wanted to name a newly developed battle tank the Norris tank, but Chuck Norris decided the new tank wasn't tough enough to be associated with him, so the army named the new tank the Sherman tank instead. Since then, the Army has promised to develop another weapon that would be worthy of the Norris name, but to date, they have been unable to develop a weapon that is fearsome enough to bear the Chuck Norris name, though rumor has it that the MOAB (mother-of-all-bombs) almost made the grade. 60. Chuck Norris doesn't bleed blood. Chuck Norris bleeds magma. 61. Chuck Norris doesn't need a can opener. If he needs a can opened, he simply bites through the lid. 62. If a tree falls in the woods, does anybody hear it? Yes. Absolutely yes. Chuck Norris hears it fall. Chuck Norris hears everything. Chuck Norris even hear the quivering fear deep in your soul. 63. Chuck Norris doesn't worry about leaving his pickup truck headlights on, because he can jump start his pickup truck by connecting jumper cables to his biceps and then flexing. 64. Led Zeppelin may have sung the now famous song about the stairway to heaven, but Chuck Norris built the stairway. 65. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. 66. To celebrate his birthday, Chuck Norris will randomly select one lucky child to be hurled into the sun. 67. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Denmark 68. James Cameron considered Chuck Norris for the role of the Terminator. However, upon reflection, Cameron realized that would turned the movie into a documentary, so he decided to choose Arnold Schwarzenegger instead. 69. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg. 69 Excellent Chuck Norris Jokes and counting... :-)
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chucktopia - a state of enlightenment enjoyed by people to know and respect the power of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris was actually originally named Carlos Ray Norris and was born on March 10, 1940 in Ryan, Oklahoma. His father, Ray Norris, was a mechanic, bus driver, and truck driver. Chuck Norris is an American martial artist, actor and media personality.
After serving in the United States Air Force, he began his rise to fame as a
martial artist and has since founded his own school, Chun Kuk Do.
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~ the original Official Chuck Norris FACTS website ~ Can't get enough of these incredible Chuck Norris facts? Then visit the website that started it all (or at least I think it did, and it's currently ranked number 1 on Google for the phrase "Chuck Norris facts")... the original Official Chuck Norris FACTS website!
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The Old English word for "sneeze" is "fneosan"... but what is morezehfneosanfax? cranial borborygmus | random thoughts | chuck norris sayings | more |
